


Erratically in All Directions

by Tieleen



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-14
Updated: 2011-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-14 18:26:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tieleen/pseuds/Tieleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dwarf turned a perturbed face on him. "I don't know, sir. I think Commander Vimes is about to kill Mr. Holmes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erratically in All Directions

"Good morning, Sergeant," Captain Carrot said to the dwarf behind the desk as he came in. "How are things?"

The dwarf turned a perturbed face on him. "I don't know, sir. I think Commander Vimes is about to kill Mr. Holmes."

Carrot blinked, looking up from the pile of shift reports he'd begun going through. "Mr. Holmes?"

"Yes, sir," said the Sergeant. "The - consulting detective. From Quirm."

Carrot could understand the hesitation around the phrase. It wasn't just an unfamiliar one; in this building, it was likely to turn out to be a hanging offence.

"Ah," he said, not sighing. "Yes, I know who he is. I thought he was arriving later today." Specifically, he'd thought Mr. Holmes was going to get there after Carrot himself had gotten back. This was... not ideal.

"I wish he had, sir," the Sergeant said.

Carrot tapped his finger against the pile a few times. "Well, Sergeant, I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems. Mr. Holmes is very well respected in his field."

"Yes, sir."

Carrot almost hesitated, but not quite. There was no denying that it needed to be done. "Why did you say Commander Vimes was about to kill him?"

The Sergeant coughed uncomfortably. "Well, sir, Corporal Hayes brought them some tea a little while ago... He, uh, he heard Mr. Vimes saying, you know how he does, about not trusting clues."

Carrot nodded encouragingly. "And Mr. Holmes said?"

"He said, 'Indeed, Commander. But not all criminals are masterminds, I'll remind you, and sometimes clues really are clues. Some cases are rather straightforward.' Then Hayes came back out."

Carrot winced. Corporal Hayes was clearly a man with good common sense.

The dwarf looked even more nervous. "And then Commander Vimes yelled 'A man without toes getting beaten to death with a salted fish isn't straightforward, you complete lunatic!', sir. We could hear him through the floor. Then we heard a crash and it's been quiet since then."

**Author's Note:**

> And Kael the Wonder Beta said, very rightly:
> 
>  _Carrot considered. "So, when you told me you thought Commander Vimes was about to kill Mr. Holmes, you actually meant you're all afraid he's done it already."_
> 
>  _There was a decided surplus of very blank looks from the dwarfs and men in the room, with an added surplus of blank on the Sergeant's face._
> 
>  _Carrot still didn't sigh, but left the impression that he had behind him when he started up the stairs._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Erratically in All Directions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/758415) by [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [Tieleen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tieleen/pseuds/Tieleen)




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